At World’s End, v1.0

Nibiru would hit the planet, they said. Hide your wives and children, they said. Welp, the world didn’t end.  And the only things of cataclysmic portent that emerged over the weekend were:

Hurricane Maria.

Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer teamed up to form a doubles team for Team Europe and went on to nab the first ever Laver Cup. Annnnnd I missed it. Curses.

Just look at them. Le sigh.

This Toronto heatwave. All that’s hanging in my closet are knits because I am way too eager for fall, so I spent my weekend hissing at Facebook photos of people at the beach.

Kylie Jenner is pregnant.

I knew it. Kylie Jenner is Nibiru.

 

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GoT Recap: Enough with the Clever Plans

Still stewing over Olenna Tyrell’s big reveal, the Kingslayer is busily, if not grumpily, getting down to the business of paying off Lannister debts with Highgarden gold. Wanting more than a saddlebag of gold coins (“it’s not a castle”), Ser Bronn makes a play for the home of the now extinct Tyrells, but is rebuffed with a terse “we’re at war.” They never let Ser Bronn rest. Will Ser Bronn ever get any rest?

We’re going to have to see.

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Random YouTube K-Hole

Blake Shelton’s latest is out and it’s the whitest thing ever. Not complaining, I’ve always had a soft spot for country – traditional, family-based, blue jeans and pickup trucks, apple pies, cowboy hats, good wholesome love. Country comforts me. It’s like a nice warm blanket on a cold winter day. There’s only so much gritty, urban realness a girl can stomach. All that smacking my bitch up and things.

I don’t know about you, but having Adam Levine and Co. crash my wedding … on the one hand, holy crap on a cracker. On the other, how emasculating can that be? Watching your bride go nuts for Adam Levine on your wedding day, brutal.

Doesn’t matter how hard they try. Nothing will ever beat the sheer genius of this. The Prince cuffs. Boy George. Steve Buscemi. Are those love seats rattan? Alexis Arquette as George of the One Song is the best wedding singer ever. Never forget!

The Guy and the Dragon Tattoo

When my feed turned into an intriguing pastiche of dragon tattoos, allegations Chinese Triad membership and myriad expressions of shared disgust, I had to ask: who is Trillanes and why does he seem like a waste of time?

“Failed mutineer, useless senator,” said Inah.

“Complete waste of oxygen,” said Michelle.

“One big idiot,” said Omar.

“Troublemaker,” said my Mom.

“At least he signed a waiver of bank secrecy,” said Liana.

Senator Antonio Trillanes IV is famous (or infamous) for his big mouth. He says what he wants, when he wants, how he wants, and he is extremely skilled at causing a ruckus. He’s so good, he was sent to jail for it. To be fair, it takes more than a big mouth to get sent to jail. Plotting to bring down the government will do the trick, and he did it not once, but twice, damaging a historical hotel into the bargain.

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